10 Things My #Allume Roomie Should Know About Me

1.  

Last February, as I entered month two of 2012 and a specific prayer for God to clarify my purpose for writing and the venue to do it in, I purchased a ticket to Allume.  My biggest fan, my husband, told me I couldn't think my way through or out of it and pushed "submit" on the computer before I could chicken out!  Last February I was going to this conference all by myself and completely unknown.

In 16 days I will drive to PA and step into a room filled with friends I've met these last several months through blogging and social media.  Who knew the community this space could bring?  I'm so excited!

Some attendees are having fun writing posts dedicated to our Allume roomies and linking to Brooke at Surprised by Life and Stacy at 29 Lincoln Avenue.  Some of these posts are hilarious, so you owe yourself a short coffee break and a chuckle or two.  Go check some out!

I am thrilled to be rooming with the lovely Mandy Mianecki from Hearts Undaunted.  I did my best to assure her in our phone chat that I was not only "safe" but fun too!  You're right, Mandy, I'm not an ax murderer!  Mandy writes freedom words with whimsy and love, so go visit in her space for a bit of refreshment.

Here you go, Mandy, some right-back-atcha information about what to expect in sharing a weekend away with me.

1. I will get out of the car when I pick you up at the airport.  And that means I will be in close enough proximity to give you a big 'ol hug.  I placed this at the top of the list so you would have an opportunity to prepare your introverted self for a small personal bubble boundary breach.
2. That said, I have plenty of introverted previous roomies who will attest to high comfort levels with me.  I'm "friend" enough to let you be quiet, and "mom" enough to not let you freak out and hide.  (I also have a bad habit of cleaning up the table before you're finished eating, so if I touch your food plate feel free to slap my hand.)
3. I'm a terrible sleeper.  The drip in the sink - yep, I'll hear it.  I blame years of sleeping with humidifiers in northern tier States for my need for white noise.  I'll bring the sound machine, but promise to revert to earplugs if the sound of a waterfall makes you wake up disoriented, wondering if you're in Pennsylvania or at Niagara Falls and thinking you had maybe one too many cups of coffee last night.
4. ...sigh...I want a hug from Ann as well.  Her book really reached through to my lonely heart in Germany and helped put my hand back in God's more firmly.  I'm not a stalker (hey, Amy, you're a self-professed one and I'm hoping to tag along behind you a few times!)  I never have been interested in autographs, but a hug from someone who became a friend through black and white ink and paper would certainly be nice.  I'm sure she'd like to know we're friends, right?
5. I don't really do small talk.  I mean, I am very skilled at drawing people into conversation about themselves.  I can keep words bouncing through the air like a good game of hot potato, laughter and all.  But if you want to hear me, then it will be real when I speak.  Don't worry, that doesn't mean heavy all the time.  Just from the heart.
6. I'm coming to this shin-dig with no expectations.  Heck, I just now figured out my ticket covered all of the meal expenses and I don't have to budget for food.  (Yippee!)  My purpose is to build relationships and learn the more technical aspects of blogging and social networking.
7. I'm hoping you'll want to do a lot of this weekend together.  I mean, I'm brave and will find a seat anywhere, but it's always nicer to have a friend at your side.
8. These last few years I've had opportunities to travel several different times for a few days away from my family.  I always expect God to meet me in the quiet and unfamiliar.  I will be making time for Him to be present in the weekend.
9. Yes, I went to Catholic school K-5th grade.  Sister Mary Charles scared me.  Sister Bernadette gave me milk for my nickel.  Sister Alice was strict.  And Sister Marion Celeste was hard of hearing and would turn off the air conditioning in the Texas heat so she could hear.  She was my favorite.  And I loved them all.  They let this little Protestant girl love Jesus madly, pray fervently, and stamp a little foot in protest of not being allowed to receive communion.  St. Mary's was a haven for me.
10. Can we talk pizza?  You would not have convinced me before my last two years in Germany I could be a pizza-lover.  A quick perusal of my photo albums and I guess a confession is in order ~ I do love pizza.  (The extra 5 pounds I brought home to America attests as well.)  And our perfectly matched answer to the pizza topping question cinched the roomie deal.  Now when are we going to find time to host that Allume pizza party?  We have to give people plenty of time to purchase the required chocolate entry fee!  See you soon Mandy!

Thanks for joining the fun today, Favored One!  If you've seen me in action, feel free to add to the list with a comment.  Just don't scare Mandy too much! 

Faithful

Five words.

Just five words,

singing their way through my mind for days now.

Footfall after footfall up the hills of running.

Driving the back roads on the way to the Air Base.

In my first waking moments as I reach for the light.

As I wrestle rest for the body from the mind that won't sleep.

And I fight off FEAR of all I have said yes to.

       

Faithful.  Forever He is Faithful.

I had just dressed when I heard repairmen in my stairwell, my landlord buzzing the bell to enter in to the hollow, empty shell of our home.  And gratefully, my husband was still home to greet them and take them to the huge tanks of oil that have heated our home these last two years.  Tanks that had groaned last February from emptiness and balked at feeding anything else to the furnace except fumes.  

How could we have known we had starved the fire out?

The meter still read half full.

We had been told most people fill the tanks annually.

We had been proud of our frugality, all those cold days heating only the rooms we needed.  And we thought with only a few months of a second winter left, with a tank half full, we would only need to fill it once while here in Germany.

The meter was wrong.

The furnace was almost ruined.

We had run out of oil.

We have had no community here.

We have been obedient to God

 and have worshipped at home.

We don't understand.

We have no church home.

And we answer your query and our own

with just five words.

We are obedient to God.

We don't understand.

We have prayed,

sung hymns,

broken bread,

and eaten His word.

We have worshipped.

But we have no meter to measure our oil.

And community is so much a part of filling up.

We have had such a hunger for the

Body of Christ

that our souls ache from hunger.

We taste fumes on our tongues.

We filled the tanks in February.  We put 2000 liters of oil in, as we were told the tanks had been filled to when we moved in.  And today, days before we return to our native land, a new and different kind of meter replaced the broken one.  It was in community, one with a different language than ours, we were told our tanks were still not full.  Fear snatched at my peace at the thought of unexpected thousands to pay for fuel we did not use.  

Gratefully we have a German-national liaison.  

He saw us right away.

He spoke with the landlord on our behalf.

He resolved what we could not,

and we walked away with no more debt.

Faithful.  Forever He is Faithful.

It has been impossible to read the face of the meter, to determine just how filled we are, or even if the meter is working.  Our souls ache have been better gauges, having been filled and emptied, filled and emptied.

We are grateful that we have a Liaison who has spoken on our behalf.  He has resolved what we could not.  And we are leaving the costs of these past two years paid.

We leave Germany debt-free.  Thank you, O Lord, that you are faithful indeed.

For you know that it was not with perishable things you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.  1 Peter 1:18-19

Faithful.  Forever He is Faithful, Favored One.

Love to you.

One + 100 (Or Starting at the Beginning)

Yesterday marked my #100th post to this blog. 

Truth be told, I didn't notice the number until I was Stat stalking my own blog.  I must admit I didn't feel like celebrating.  I had to choose to, because for someone who has shelves of full journals and files of pages written, 100 seems like such a paltry number.  Four years of blogging and I hit 100. 

 Yesterday I decided I had one year to hit another 100.

Today I went and got a dye job.

 *for the record, I'm not sure how many more years I can hold out to coloring my hair.  Everyone tells me I am too young to go completely gray (which I am - completely gray, that is) and I need to wait until my skin catches up to my age.  But sitting for hours under the hover lamps, what I am contemplating is that I'm too young to do this every five weeks for who-knows-how-long until my skin catches up.  Thanks, One-of-a-Kind Friend, for asking me to go gray with you years ago, then doing it last year without me!  I'm finding myself staring wistfully at your cute gray pixie cut in your pictures.

One benefit to a monthly visit to the salon besides amazing color and free coffee is I typically knock out all or most of the next book on my reading list.  In light of my decision to post 100 more times this year, and thanks to the great new community of Better Writers, I picked up Jeff Goins, You Are A Writer.

I was doing just fine, racing along through chapters on platform building, establishing a brand, and making connections.  I was feeling pretty comfortable with knowing my voice and even having clarity on why I am passionate about writing in the first place.  Then Jeff Goins reached out and slapped me!

Okay, so I know he's got to be a great guy and would never, ever hit a lady.  

And it wasn't a sucker punch.

It was more like a reality check.

One of those "loving" little slaps you might give to the back of your thirteen-year-old's noggin'.

"You may be writing for the love of it, which is perfectly fine, but if you want to touch someone's life (as most writers do), this is not enough."

And there it is.

I want to touch peoples lives.

I have put writing on my "after the work's done" list.  It's still before working out, but not high enough in rank to have developed a daily discipline for.  And I'm realizing that's just poor stewardship on my part.  I really am more than just a wife, mom, teacher, and commander's spouse.

I didn't just get my hair dyed today.

My excuses for not being everything I was created to be died as well.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

I can't ever go too far away from this personal life verse.  He keeps bringing me face to face with the things that must die in order for me to truly live.  Thanks Jeff, for the slap!

I don't know what changes are coming.  I guess that's one thing I've been protecting myself from by waiting for the perfect time to write, the perfect post to publish, and everything notated and credited properly.  

"If you're struggling with feeling "good enough," stop it.  That's not the issue.  Not really.  The issue is fear.  Namely, fear of starting.  What it takes to start is not talent but the willingness to finish, to follow through."

I'm pretty sure I'm going to mess up.  Especially with proper blogging etiquette, twitter posting, and photo crediting.  These are things I need to learn how to do.  But I'm willing to follow through.  And everyone starts with One.

So here I am at the beginning again.

Thanks for turning to the next page with me, Favored One!

"Allume"inate Me!

I just purchased my Allume Social pass!

Excited?  Yes.

Nervous?  Yes.

In these next eight months I will...

*travel to Texas for my son's BMT graduation

*complete the 5th/7th grade school years for the two youngest boys ~ yea, us!  

Homeschool Year Two, done!!

*meet my 21-yr-old daughter's boyfriend

*find a house to rent in VA

*pack, move, and set up this home for the 16th time in 23 years

*travel to Texas in July to see my family

*begin a new school year in August

*plan and celebrate my husband's promotion to LtCol

And finally, travel to Harrisburg by myself for the Allume Social in October.  This will be a first, going it alone.  I'm keenly aware of that as I book my hotel room.  I've always shared a hotel with two or three dear sister-friends.  This will be a new kind of gathering for me.  Heaven help the internet illiterate!  Or maybe instead, those He has called to educate me!  

I've been tempted to reach out to some of these girls and ask if they might be interested in going with me.  But Allume sits in the center of one of my circled prayers for this year.  

I've asked God ~

Clarify the purpose and give me a venue for the passion I have for writing.

I'm trusting that He knows my heart.  

My longing for community, friendship, and a mentor.

So, I'm headed to Allume alone.

But I know I will walk through the doors into the arms of family.  And typically family doesn't mind if you're a bit frazzled, prefer pj's over a suit, and show up to get a little bit of lovin'!

With my Em the year she graduated from high school, at a Beth Moore Conference in WY

With my Rhonda and Kathy, claimed sweet sisters in Christ, at the same conference

With my girls from Utah, Tracy, Susanne, and Jamie.  We met in Washington DC, the middle point between Utah and Germany, in a time that I really needed the fellowship, prayers and worship together.

With my "little brothers and sisters" Colin, Sarah, Mark, and Molly from our Israel/Palestine mission trip.  They met me for evening worship and dinner. Love these people!

Can you tell once I claim you I use a possessive pronoun each time I think of you?  

It is wonderful to be claimed and called "mine."

I am looking forward to the new faces of my family I have yet to meet.

Pennsylvania, I'm on my way!

“…you’ve got a seat at my table. You’ve got a home, here’s somebody who believes you, let truth remind you, you’ve always got a place to go to, you’ve got a home.” -Christa Wells, You’ve Got a Home

Giving Thanks in Portugal

"Want to come to Portugal from March 14-17?"

Yes, please!  I mean, who wouldn't say yes to traveling to Portugal with little Bela to stay with her mama in the tiny, mountain village of Matela where she was born?  Especially if your round-trip ticket was Euro 47 and Bela's treat!

Aren't they sweet?

I'm drawn to places like this.  Places where work has wrung the flesh out, leaving lines and creases from labor and from love.  Places where community is birthed, lived, and buried side by side and the day gathers the widows to a common seat as the sun stretches to a close.

 1339.  Widows, wearing threads of black but clothed in the memory of love lived well, 

colored by the joy of friendship.

 1340.  A peaceful olive grove, with the sun casting shadows across the ground.

 1341.  Stacked stones to form a house wall, a puzzle to contemplate and piece together about exactly what I need to make a home for my family to thrive in.

 1342.  A home and a question.  Could I make a home out of a hovel?  Could I love ~ real~and hard~and long~and through~ and find that joy had slipped in through the cracks, those of the wall and those on my face, and that the most alive feeling I could have is in serving others?

 1343.  Oranges, picked fresh from the tree, delivering sweet refreshment in an arid land.

 1344.  Church bells, to announce the day, to call out the gathering, to sound the reminder that this moment was created for joy.

 1345.  Beauty sits on the front porch together ~ 50 years.  And she giggles, "My Lionel."

 1346.  A street now paved, centuries of shepherds walking goats and sheep together out to pasture ~ and the sun falls gently on each one.

 1347.  A morning already gathered, me still in my pajamas, and the smile of one who knows that we remember best the fruit of labor, and treasure most the moments of rest because of it.

 1348.  The beauty of laughter and conversation in a language unknown but communicated, while we wait for the morning's fresh bread.
1349.  Fresh goat cheese beneath the drapes, walked from her main street home for the village visitors ~ an offering again of what it means to receive radical hospitality.

 1349.  Gathering and harvesting ~ letting nothing go to waste, not the produce, not the old people.

1350.  Mae's final lunch feast ~ that six ingredients could be stewed and boiled, sautéed and salted to leave me having dined as a queen.

1351.  Many faces to reflect on ~ theirs and mine.


Bless the LORD, O my soul: O LORD my God, how excellent is your greatness!  You are clothed with majesty and splendor.
You water the mountains from your dwelling on high:  the earth is fully satisfied by the fruit of your works.
You make grass grow for flocks and herds:  and plants to serve mankind;
that they may bring forth food from the earth:
and wine to gladden our hearts, oil to make a cheerful countenance:
and bread to strengthen the heart.
Psalm 104:1,13-16 NIV


May your day be filled with His splendor and quiet with His peace, Favored One.


Love you!

A Year Named Prayer

This year is a discovery year of prayer.  

I thought 2012 was named trust, but prayer is the only door I know to step through that will grow 

trust, faith, hope, and love

so I’m going boldly through it and waiting expectantly for all kinds of new on the other side!

I could spend hours ~

~studying the prayers of Moses, Elijah, Daniel, Hannah

~reading the markers of those who've traveled before, like

 Andrew Murray’s With Christ in the School of Prayer, 

Charles Allen’s Prayer Changes Things, 

St. Theresa’s The Interior Castle

~learning the different types of prayer

Real prayer is something we learn.  The disciples asked Jesus, "Lord, teach us to pray" (Luke 11:1).  They had prayed all their lives, and yet something about the quality and quantity of Jesus' praying caused them to see how little they knew about prayer.  If their praying was to make any difference  on the human scene, there were some things they needed to learn.  It was liberating to me to understand that prayer involved a learning process.  I was set free to question, to experiment, even to fail, for I knew I was learning.  

          Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

Because I'm a ~mom, wife, teacher, military spouse~ I don't have the luxury of hours on end.

And that's a really good thing.  

It's good to stay in the world I was placed in.

But I do have time for practicing.

I'm going to take my time with this year called Prayer.  I'm going to learn how to luxuriate in it.  Learn how to breathe it.

 This is part of my family.  I can give you a name for each face, can feel the warmth of each hand placed on me as Ken and I and our children sit in the center of a circled goodbye. 


God taught us in this little church in Brigham City, UT how to move our practices, our knowledge, and our love for Christ, to a centered place deep within and really begin to live a life that loves others before ourselves.  That's the only way I can explain the deep love and longing I have for these people.

In prayer, real prayer, we begin to think God's thoughts after him: to desire the things he desires, to love the things he loves, to will the things he wills.  Progressively, we are taught to see things from his point of view.  

Foster, Celebration of Discipline 

I gave myself 30 minutes to write this.  I've time-busted it by 45 minutes.  My boys have been waiting to go bowling for an hour now.  One of my daily prayers for 2012 is that God clarify my purpose and provide the venue for writing, for writing is one way I pray.  And though I have journals stacked high on shelves, thoughts that never make it to the page, and little-to-no savvy for IT and making this job shorter, I am a writer.  Pray for me, Favored One!

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.  In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.  Ephesians 2:19-21


Counting grace in 2012...
770.  I have experienced Love.
771.  I have experienced love.
772.  I have the privilege of praying for others.
773.  I am loved enough that others will sing my name before the Lord.
774.  God is always doing something new.
775.  He has answered my prayers before they have crossed my lips.
776.  In the circle I am reminded that I am being joined together with all the members of his household, being raised up as a temple of the Lord.
777.  My children forgive me when I have to write and they have to wait.
778.  We have some bowling to do!

One Circle

Hello Favored One.

Do you know how much you are loved?

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.  Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep.  O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.   How priceless is your unfailing love!
Psalm 36:5-6

This year is named Prayer.  

Might I encourage you today?

Today I drew a prayer circle.  I have been living in a foreign country, at times grieving the community of believers I have left sprinkled together across the world.  Grieving my loss of daily intimacy with them.

Today I extended an invitation to circle one prayer for 2012 and gather in community to carry each other's burdens.  Here is the invitation I sent:

Hello Friends,

Ken and I are in a period of fasting and prayer, seeking more of God.  You are each an important part of my life and my heart, and I am frequently in conversation with God about you.  This morning as I meditated over Galatians 6:2, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ," I realized I wanted to move my thoughts of you from "frequent" to daily, and pray something very specific to your needs.  I have been in community with each of you, and many of you still have the privilege of sharing life intimately with one another.  We are so grateful that God at some point in our journey wove you into our hearts, and truthfully, we miss the daily walk with you terribly.  Simply, my request is that you send me one specific personal thing to pray over you this year and one relational (marriage, family, vocation) thing to pray over you this year.  If you would like to make this a community and join me in praying one thing over each other for the year, then reply all.  If not, just send this back to me.  I know you do not all know each other, but we are brothers and sisters in Christ, and how tight the circle draws when we "pray without ceasing."

My personal:  that God clarifies the purpose and gives me a venue for the passion I have for writing.

My relational:  that God turns the heart of one child towards Him, pouring into the emptiness that he carries inside.

I covet your prayers - to give and to receive.

"With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.  As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.  For who is God besides the LORD?  And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."  Psalm 18:29-32

Love in Christ,

Tobi

Might I encourage you to draw a circle?  

Circle one thing~

Issue one invitation~

With one person~

And believe in the one God who has heard and answered your faith before the prayer crossed your lips.

"Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them."  Daniel 10:12

Time to circle-up, Favored One!  I would love to circle with you.