~ around the bend ~ crazy as a loon ~mad as a hatter ~ off my rocker ~ bonkers ~ cracked ~ daffy ~ gaga ~ loony ~ batty ~buggy ~ cuckoo ~ loco ~ nuts ~
and rounding the list off with...CRACKERS!
Whew! I feel better already.
I'm in an interesting season of life. I've been a blessed stay-at-home wife and mom for 21 years. It has been the first desire of my heart, and I'm so very grateful that God has fulfilled that desire in such an awesome way. I treasure the first season of little hands and baking in the kitchen. A clean house and clean laundry. Play time with children and doing things just because they are fun. I loved the season of pre-teens and toddlers, of which I had both at home at the same time. Saying goodbye to children catching the school bus and returning to a quiet kitchen to have devotional while the "littles" still slept. Preparing wonderful meals and experimenting in the kitchen and the happiness of the family "tucking" in to a meal with such relish. Teaching Sunday School, leading Disciple, having coffee with friends at least once a week and enjoying the encouragement and joy of fellowship. Being part of Steering with MOPS, sending notes of encouragement, watching others grow in their walk with Christ. Teaching flute at the local college, playing in the wind ensemble, auditioning for the symphony. Running three miles a day, eventually training for and running a marathon (though it was never about the running and always about the miles of conversation with my dear friend Susanne). Volunteering in the boys' school, teaching music to Kindergartners, 2nd and 3rd graders. Dreaming big dreams for my church, casting vision, working hours along other faithful people to bring those dreams to life.
So, what's the deal?
I'm an extrovert. I'm in a season of my life now when I am home with my boys every day, all day. I love my boys. But I think I'm about to go crazy! See, this homeschooling thing is new for me. And though I'm pretty sure I'm doing an amazing job I'm left in isolation with my thoughts of maybe it's not enough. And in the beginning of this year I think school was really fun for them. But I've been noticing over the last few weeks that I am in a constant state of "serious" and that's serious business if you ask me. I think maybe it's the first time in my life that things are feeling a little like "duty" rather than "passion." Maybe I've forgotten how to make friends? Man, I need some friends! My boys need me to have some friends! And I need some who've walked this particular road to be in my life and assure me that I can take time during the week to have coffee or just be with grown-ups. (btw-shout out to my friend Gayle! She's here and she's awesome! But I bet she needs me to have some friends too!)
It's not so good to be an extrovert and have your life go from service, fellowship, volunteering, performing, to hyper-focusing on your boys' education, the laundry that never gets done now, the kitchen that you don't have time to plan for so it's grilled fish and veggies again boys, the cards that needed to be written, the items that needed to be ordered, OH MY GOSH! STOP IT!
Anyone want to be my friend? (smile) I know I sound a bit crazy right now, but with adequate amounts of chocolate I'm actually a very pleasant person to be around!
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot..." Ecc. 3:1,2
I really can't explain it. Tobi, in my flesh, seeks perfection and never wants to allow for feeling overwhelmed or over-burdened. I've spent my entire life "willing" away disappointments or challenges by looking at the suffering of others and thinking I have no right to anything but gratitude for my life. But again, the Grace that saved me for eternity, saves me for this day, because I still reside in this flesh. And who I want to be and who I am will not be married completely until Jesus comes back and completes my perfection.
I've taken Crabby by the roots and given it a good pull. I opened my Bible. And God pulled it out by the roots and for just right now at least has thrown it away. "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil - this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." Ecc. 3: 11-14
Think I'll go downstairs and grill some fish, make some laughter around the table, and receive the lavishness of the gift of God - the joy of my family. And tomorrow? I may call you for some coffee and conversation!