It's been an interesting journey - these last five months. And it's a little amusing to me that I've felt called to journal about the steps along the way. Amusing because it's a great method for keeping me humble, as I'm continually resisting the urge to be embarrassed about "letting it all hang out" before an audience. I love how gentle God is in reminding me that my trials are not unique, that they are not as large as I'm tempted to think they are, and that because I trust him and try to obey him in this blog "offering" they are an opportunity to encourage others and glorify him. Yes - I love that about his gentleness.
This has been - undoubtably - the most difficult move I have made. There have been so many transitions that I have felt overwhelmed, followed closely by feeling like I'm failing in every arena. So this morning I sat with God after reading the Psalms and made some long lists and asked some hard questions.
How have I felt since this move?
What arenas am I in?
Mom of a HS Senior
Squadron CC Spouse
I wrote what things "look" like in each arena, what my fears are, and what the reality is in the light of Christ. And I discovered what I already know. Order, Competence, Security - it always comes back to trust. I realized a few weeks ago that this period hasn't been about learning to trust, but rather an honest assessment of my trust levels. How much do I trust God?
"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you." Psalm 73:22
I can honestly say that in the "hard place" of transitioning in these areas I've been grieved. My spirit has been embittered. This has looked like loneliness, resignation, lack of hope about community, and a return to self-reliance. Which brings me back to grief and embitterment. The senselessness and ignorance? That's simply been forgetting who I am and to whom I belong.
Well, I could go on, but I'm battling against a silly bug I picked up from my kids and I think this is lacking the eloquence of norm...fuzzy brains don't write well! So I'll close with clarity.
I trust that God creates opportunity out of every circumstance. Not only have my trust levels grown, but so has my compassion towards others. Hopefully I'll be more patient with the check-out lady behind the counter. She just might be feeling overwhelmed right now. Hopefully I'll listen more deeply to someone sharing their frustration and hear things that are spoken out of loneliness, so that I can be an encouragement to others. I have been gifted with a job to do in each one of these arenas. Whether the job is fun or challenging, affirming or overwhelming - I will do it with this in mind. God has given it to me to do, and ultimately everything I put my hand to I will offer my best for.
Though I have periods when I forget to trust God, when I grieve and try to find my way on my own, when I come home it is this that I remember and this that I trust:
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:23-26
The Psalm is really all I wanted to say today! Hope you are well, Favored One. And that everything you have before you - every task, every chore, every duty, every opportunity - you trust in the Lord God's plan and purpose and receive as his gift of opportunity.