Old Habits

Old habits are hard to break.

I pick up a pen to better understand God.

I have since the beginning of becoming His friend. 

 

I like a bound journal, just the right size,

with tight, close lined spacing,

and the smooth, wet flow of ink scrawled across the empty page.  

I like how words seep into paper fibers, 

rounded letters curving through questions,

 and prayers, dreams, and confessions.  

I write His promises.  

A daughter's reminder they belong to me 

because they are written in my book.

This is my old habit of devotional writing.

I transferred to a laptop a few years ago.  

I struggle to capture the sensory pleasure of a keyboard,

flashing cursor, and a Publish/Save/Preview panel.

Now my journals and pens are used for list-making.

Counting by number the way Grace touches my life.

Still, 

the old habit,

writing Him down as a reminder He belongs to me.

Old habits are hard to break.

Writing at Favored One has been devotional writing.  

 I let you watch the friendship grow, and hoped you would be encouraged to find promises of His to write in your own books.  But there has been no discipline to this place.  I have written when I was inspired.  I haven't worried about whether you would like it or not, because I do.  I love the things I have come to understand about myself here.  About my family and friends.  But mostly about God.

Yesterday I not only told God I would be faithful to following through.  I announced it to a community.  

I said it out loud.  And I have failed at long-term goals before.

Today I woke up with words in my head, on my tongue, and in my prayers.  

I ran with them as my feet pounded the paved path.  

I washed them out with the noon-time meal and the darks in the laundry room.  

I touched them on the arm as I helped my German landlord list our home on an American site.  

I storied them into lessons for a son who draws battlegrounds on which to 

fight and die when he feels controlled and helpless.

Today I worked until there was no day left and now I sit, with my family downstairs, and I break an old habit of quitting before I start because I'm afraid I will fail in following through.  I was inspired so many times today.  So many reasons to pick up my pen and understand God better.  But the day has drawn closed, 

and it would be easy to choose beginning again tomorrow.

Old habits are hard to break.

But sometimes they aren't meant to be broken.

Old habits are made to be remembered, as well.

I don't need to worry about writing every day.

I don't need to worry about being inspired.

Before I put my journals on the shelf,

this habit of picking up a pen to better understand God ...

it was my daily inspiration.

I know He will meet me at Favored One daily as well.

He is my friend.

He is faithful.

This space, Favored One, belongs to us all now.  I've been letting you read my journals.  It's time to be more than that.  I don't know what "more" is.  Thankfully, I have an old daily habit of picking up a pen to understand God better.

And page upon page of His promises.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.    Proverbs 3:5-6