Friday, August 13, 2010

Getting Real with my Papa

"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence." Ephesians 3:12

I'm having one of those mornings again. I've just spent an hour with the Lord. I'd like to say that I FEEL wonderful at the end of our time together. But truthfully, I'm not FEELING anything. I had quite the frank tone with Him to start off with. "Today Lord, today I am expecting You to show up. I'm putting aside my typical routine of approaching You with praise and adoration first, and letting You know I want to just get to it. Today I need You to guide me into Your word. I need You to guide my day. I need You to be in control of my heart and my thoughts and my tongue and my actions and my schedule!! Today I don't want to wade through My Utmost, and then Sparkling Gems and then my daily reading today in Exodus and Proverbs 13 and ... not feel You. I know You are present. I am so grateful for a trust in You that I did not create - You did. I just miss our deep fellowship, a past of day upon day deep fellowship, and am left in each empty morning with legalism. Wondering what I'm missing. Wondering which discipline I've avoided. Wondering what idols I have before me that are diminishing the sound of Your voice." And I'm left in tears, like the daughter I am, wondering why the door FEELS locked.

Ever had one of these days?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thought." Psalm 139:23

Maybe it's in the consuming quest for FEELINGS that we end up behind locked doors. I'm trying to live a life that trusts what I'm feeling isn't my reality. A life that makes decisions based on the bed-rock truth, and not the surface-level feeling. Because I know that feelings are fickle and that the Truth is solid as the Rock I stand on. And once more I'm learning to trust in my Papa's goodness...his ability to know my heart , know my fears, accept my tears and even my tone. This morning I was honest. I think that's all any parent wants. In these moments I've just trusted Papa enough to unlock the door - it's always on my side - and walk into His embrace.

I FEEL much better now.

"Be of good cheer, daughter; your faith has made you well." Matthew 9:22

Be of good cheer, Favored One. Be of good cheer.

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