"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you
a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you
and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep
my law." Ezekiel 36:26-27
What is the work of my life? What is it that my passion and desire is directed towards?
To seek and know the love of God for me.
Every good thing that I have to offer my husband, my children, my friends and enemies, comes from an awareness of the gift of God's love towards me. An awareness and a choice to receive it.
Every struggle, temptation, and failure comes from either my ignorance, my indifference, or my refusal of His love.
My dreams, my hopes, my successes - they all come from understanding this Love of my Life. And here is the beginning of the work. Here is the line drawn between what is easy and what is right. I'm often tempted to focus on the process, on the transformation, on the rules and to what I should conform to. And the puzzle of it all becomes more complex and I wrestle with how to come to Him like a child does, to abandon the skills the world has taught this adult to use towards maturity.
Today, my eyes are moist, my heart is full, and I understand it better. The answer to the puzzle really is simple.
Seek one thing.
To know His love.
Looking for the presence of His love, of Him, in every breath ~ In every tear ~ In every mistake ~ In every smile ~ In every laugh ~ In every dream ~ in every chance to fling your arms wide and welcome another in an embrace, a touch, an offering of mercy warranted or not ~ in seizing each opportunity you have left to embrace your child, to hold his face in your hands, to nuzzle the corner of his neck and remember the warm baby smell after his nap, the happy belly laugh as he nestled in closer and your awareness that in that moment of purity you. love. well. A heart's desire. Oh, to love well.
All of these are the gifts of a Father's lavish love ~ every tender moment.
I'm currently reading A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver Van DeMille and Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax, M.D.,PhD. simultaneously. They are definitely tools for clarifying the bulls-eye on the target for the remaining years we have with Ben and Sam until they arrive at manhood. And in the moments of this day I actually feel His hands wrapped around my heart, shaping it into something new. Removing the hard places and warming the new flesh with the breath of His Spirit.
We've had an amazing day, but the difference hasn't been the boys - it's been me, the indwelling of the Spirit, and my submission to Him. The boys still weren't ready for school when they were supposed to be, hadn't eaten breakfast, and managed to keep the "schedule" off track enough that we only did our CC review before we left for piano lessons. But we have accomplished everything now and everyone had a great day. I've always known that I am the variable in the potential for a day of peace. If I'm at peace then we all will be. And I am at peace. Once more, He's raised me. "Then you , my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live..." Ezekiel 37:13,14To know His love.
My Lover spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." Song of Songs 2:10-13