Blessed are they whose ways are
who walk according to the law of
Psalm 119:1 NIV
I've been a bit cranky lately ~ off and on, and mostly with my sweet husband. Bless the man that bears the weight of his wife's frustration and shameful scorn. "Better to live in a desert than share a house with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife." Proverbs 21:19 Granted, for the last three weeks a rotten head cold has made its route through the family, most recently visiting the boys. Head cold, a bad back, and the need to sleep has put me and my man sleeping in different rooms until last weekend. Well, there's the first source of crankiness! For all my exuberant qualities, I am a home-body at heart. We have a schedule that has only one guaranteed day of the week at home, plus two nights at least out past 8:00. Oooh, Cranky Mama. I have some new friends to play with, which creates a conflict between taking some Tobi-time and feeling like I'm ducking out on work if I leave the boys to work independently - which is one of the main things I want them to learn in the first place! Air Force wife commitments, managing a household, and wanting to add Wounded Warrior volunteering means I often walk around holding my cell phone like a worry-stone, wondering if I have an appointment I forgot to sync my calendars with. Yes, paper girl is trying to be high tech by the end of this year, and I have promised not to purchase another Mead product. That in itself can make me, the owner of every 3-ring binder day planner calendar since 1992 neatly filed away - well, crabby. Don't judge, it is not nice or Biblical. My reasons are sound and would possibly, maybe...okay go ahead and laugh! I know the real reason for my crabbiness. My on-going battle with perfection addiction. My mind is my bottle, the thing I crave when things are out of sorts, just one more hit of "make the plan," "work the plan," "hey! You're not following the plan!"
I was so confident and peace-filled beginning this new school year. Yep, I had done all of my homework over the summer and had a PLAN...should have taken a picture of the by-the-hour schedule I made and posted by my desk for you to see. I guess in all my comfort-craving I forgot that I'm not really in control, and that there are lessons that are much larger to learn than Latina Christiana. Can I add another "granted?" Granted, Latin was in the PLAN, but the curriculum did not show up until two weeks ago and for some reason I haven't figured out how to wedge this teaching style into all the other curriculums that have blended together so well. Ora et labora. Pray and work. And I shall.
During my devotion this morning I had a revelation. I love you and thought maybe, if you struggle with being addicted to your brain too, this might just help you on your way.
No, no, no - this is encouragement. Be encouraged!
Do you see the difference in translation from the NIV?
Okay, here's the deal. I ALWAYS want to know the most accurate translation. But today, God said it didn't matter, because I had been reading this Psalm, and every other one like it WRONG all this time. My translation says, "Blessed are those whose ways are blameless..." I have read that every single time and thought, "Lord, you know me. You KNOW my ways will never be blameless, I will never walk according to Your law." Not the best way to find your voice to praise God, from the dumps of "poor me, I'll never be good enough for You." But this morning I saw only way and walk. It doesn't say happy are those whose walk is blameless. It says way.
My Way is Jesus Christ.
Oh Happy Day, God is right! Jesus Christ is blameless and I walk in His ways. Psalm 119 is the longest and in many ways the most remarkable psalm in its amazing way of expressing joy in God's law. "God's revelation consists not of hard rules to be kept, nor of restrictive limitations to be endured, but of ways to walk in happiness and praise." Eugene Peterson, Praying with the Psalms. How do I keep learning something brand new that I've known all my life?
I do have a master plan. One that I turn to readily and run my fingers over until I find my current location. Often times it is scribbled on in the margin, dated from past walks, road signs colored-pencil highlighted so as not to miss or for easy reference. Today, cranky is gone and I am most happy. What a difference that makes to a day. And running through my mind today -
as we talked about Spiritual disciplines
as we learned about India
as we studied the rise of slavery, the Portuguese Slave trade, the Triangular Trade
as we read the first chapter of No Longer a Slumdog
as they learned and mastered new math lessons each
Today I listened to my inside voice praise with "I am not blameless, but He is, and He is my Way."
Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesus answered, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:5-6
Let's walk this way, Favored One.