Friday, August 17, 2012

A Year Named Transition

What do you do with a million thoughts but not one word to tie a string to?

I thought writing today was going to be challenging.
I have been out of the seat for a couple of months, you know.
But hours after I first sat, with the ups and downs from the desk the day has required, I had tied several strings to those words and was prepared to launch them into the sky.

I guess I didn't tie those knots very well, for after my final photo addition my page was blank.  No words.

I could laugh or I could cry.  It wouldn't be much different than all the previous days of these last few months, words upon words, strings either loosely knotted or wound so tight they have snapped, and me with nothing to say.

I was going to tell you about this Year's name.  That Transition made her arrival on January 1st as my husband and I sat sweetly tucked away in a hotel for a two-day annual planning session.  She was so quiet then.  I thought I knew how she would grow through the year.  I had her milestones already marked on the calendar.

Prepare to send a son to AF Basic Training.
Help younger brothers say goodbye.
Finish the school year early, travel to the States for graduation.
Cross the ocean again, pack out a home, find a home, and say goodbye.
Live in the space between for a few months.
Set up a new home, find new friends. 
Begin again.

Transition has proven strong and unyielding, determined to move us through this year's life lessons.  She has stretched me until I thought some days I might split wide-open the seams, the wetness of tears, anger, fear and exhaustion slipping through.  She has demanded I unfold my arms and release a son to the world.  Tears can slip across the crease of a smile.

She surprised me, that a daughter would fall in love, and I would dance with joy, even in the knowing ~ she belongs more to him than me now.  She has pointed out my empty-nest feelings, while two boys still fill my days.

I have named her Transition, and though she was known before her birth, her life has been a series of revelations.  More about my life than the events that hers has marked.  She has carried me through the liminal spaces and dared to push me from behind to STOP waiting for life to be all in order before I say yes to the calling I have received. 

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."  Ephesians 4:1

I have been called to write.  And it's messy, time-consuming, and scary.  But because He has called me to this I plan to live a life worthy of it.  And for all of these thoughts I only need one word to tie my string to.


She has lived into her name, Transition.  I love that she has been filled with life.  I laugh to myself each time I measure her lifespan by the calendar.  Though I hope for a new name next January 1, I don't think she has any plans to die this year.  And it's just as well.  I'm ready to start making plans with her.  Like a new blog space.  Maybe a devotion book.  She's just the girl to give me a push out of liminal into living a life worthy of my calling.

What about you, Favored One?  What transitions have opened you to the possibility of living more fully into your calling?

Love you much!


  1. You did it! Way to go! And Amen! This is beautiful, Tobi. It is inspiring to me how you embrace transition.

    1. Thanks Mandy! I love the encouragement. It was really hard to start again for some reason. I really am thrilled God has placed us in each other's lives to grow with.

  2. You handle major transitions and a whole post disappearing with much more grace than me! Glad you are back in the saddle!

    1. I don't know about that - I was feeling pretty discouraged after I lost the post, but I was more determined to break through the wall than discouraged. I'm so glad to have a community of support now! And super excited to get to know you and grow with you.

  3. Here from Pieces of Amy Link up...ok, brought me to tears, goose bumps, and fear...Transition has been sitting patiently calling my name. God has had her sit with me until I am willing to walk with her into a new season. I have been thrown into a season of darkness, stuckness, and emptiness like I have never experienced, and yet it has now become home. Transition is calling me out...but fear is keeping me in. Thank you for your confirmation to the calling of God whispered daily in my ear to write.

    1. Kathryn, I just met you on your blog. What a sweet space that is. Fear - what a powerful agent that can be. I just keep reminding myself, based on my experiences with God in the past, that the question isn't whether He is for me. He proves that over and over. The question is am I for Him? And I am. Somehow perspective of the Heavenly realms and living in the "final act" of the play keeps me focused on His Kingdom come and not my own. Then I remember not to be afraid. Blessings and His peace to you as you lift your face to His light.

  4. Ah, Tobi I have found myself leaning into change all my life. there have been so many transitions that I find it curious that what comforts me most is to just "be still" and wait for the next transition to show up like the next bus to somewhere... ;) I am glad you are back to writing -I missed "hearing" your voice. May God bless these new transitions in your life- I am waiting to hear all about them!

  5. It's good to be back! Being still is the best way always to receive the blessing of change. I can't say I've always leaned into it though! ; ) Sometimes I have almost fallen over backwards to resist it. I'm excited to journey with you, Nancy!


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